you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
