I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
