btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
