I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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