No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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