Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
