WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
