I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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