she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
