You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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