My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize