I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
