omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
