you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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