Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
