Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
