Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize