I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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