Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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