my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize