What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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