the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
