i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
