I wanna bring you to show and tell
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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