You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
