A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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