I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
