My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think people are normalizing furries
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
