what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
