I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
