We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
