If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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