So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
