you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
