we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
