I met the friendliest cop last night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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