I faked an abortion last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
