seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
