Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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