i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
