im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if only i could text you this smell
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
