I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
