everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
