So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
