I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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