your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
