Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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