Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
