obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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