I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's the barista slut.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
