I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
