I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
