There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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