It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
