So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
