I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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