Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
