I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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