i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
