The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize