Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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