I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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