he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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