shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
pop tarts are not kleenex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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