I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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