I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
