My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
