i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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