had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
