You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
