So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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