Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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