I hope mine doesn't look like that
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
