You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize